i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
