sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
