dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
