I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
