so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
