Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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