I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
