shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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