I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
