i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
then he tried to convert me to islam
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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