she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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