dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
