erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just googled if crying burns calories
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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