Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
