Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
