Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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