so that wasnt chicken after all
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
