When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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