I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
