I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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