apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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