my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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