bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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