just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
