weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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