We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
