Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
