Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
