addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
birth control should be required to get into college
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
