She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
