you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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