i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
