Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
