Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I need to calm my uterus...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
