When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
