Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
