Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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