I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
