all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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