Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
