we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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