How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
