i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
did you just send me my own nude
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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