Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The police scanner is talking about you again....
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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