the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Who did Billy Mays play for?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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