Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
