I feel great
I just peed on a car
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
