dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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