once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
