The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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