im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
